I made the most appalling faux pas by congratulating HC-H’s ex-wife on the arrival of her new baby daughter the day after the new wife had given birth.

She would not accept an apology. Instead she lay into me with a series of accusations. These included stealing ‘soft words’ from her letter box, a charge of which I was innocent. Indeed I didn’t even know what a ‘soft word’ was, let alone how to steal one.