My boss chastised me for not meeting my targets. As punishment I was to spend two days in solitary confinement.

On reflection I realised that this was completely unfair. I had actually exceeded all my targets. I complained and the punishment was cancelled.

Meanwhile JK was all a-panic. A very distinguished guest was coming to speak and – as far as she could tell – there would not be an audience for him. She shared her fears with me in the newly-appointed women’s toilets, recently painted shocking pink. I agreed to encourage everyone to come along.

In the event the house was packed. I tried to save some seats for my niece A and three of her friends, but this was impossible.

As I was hunting for a row with five empty places the lights went down and the machinery swallowed up the staircase. I was enveloped by a metal funnel, carried some distance, then deposited in a book display. I would not be attending the lecture after all.