This was a convent with a difference: none of the nuns dressed in habits. They were still scary, however. I was terrified when I accidentally got tangled up in the hose from their washing machine, tugged it out of the socket, and water gushed down the stairs – so much so that I vomited.

Then there was the awkward moment when I wanted to introduce BB and a couple of others to my thin, beige-clad transsexual friend. I forgot her new female name. Fortunately before she realised this she introduced herself as Katharine, and told us that we should all call her Katie.