When TF stood up from his seat on the lower deck of the Glasgow Routemaster bus, I assumed that we had reached our stop. I was wrong. The bus was taking the reverse route so we would be on-board for much longer than expected. It would therefore be more interesting to move to seats upstairs. On the upper deck I sat next to a hairy-legged woman who had painted her the flesh of her bare feet lime green with nail polish.

At our destination we sat down to dinner at a long Georgian table. While the others discussed my personal wealth (or lack of it), TPR searched estate agents’ sites on the Internet until he finally identified DT’s new home. How exciting that she was moving into a castle!