I’d craved a sea view for years and now I had one – almost.

When we woke at 05:00am to the blast of morning television from the flat upstairs TPR and I had no option but to get up and dressed, and investigate.

While I inspected the internal conduits of sound, such as our airing cupboard beneath their kitchen, TPR checked the garden. There he discovered that we now had a river flowing past our back door, already colonised by a family of mallard ducks. TPR called me out to see our new water feature.

I admired the view, then grew increasingly concerned for the safety of the children in the neighbourhood who might fall into the water and drown.