XY deliberately failed to acknowledge me at the start of his presentation. It was obvious that the had audience members noticed this. To lighten the mood, I said jokingly “What about me?” My colleagues found this hilarious.

Unfortunately the speaker did not appreciate my interruption. As soon as the formal proceedings of the presentation were over he stepped down from the stage and pulled out a yellow gun. For the next ten minutes or so he chased me along the campus corridors, ranting incoherently, and occasionally taking aim.

The only place of safety would be behind the thick walls of the medieval tower. Rather than run there directly I made a false move down the staircase. This gladdened my attacker, who declared that I now made it easier than ever for him to shoot me. To his complete surprise I then barged back upstairs again and straight past him, through the double doors and towards PQ’s office.

I was certain that PQ would be in his room. He had been ill for weeks, but was still coming into work. I found him lying tucked up in a bed by the window working his way through a pile of documents. When he smiled at me weakly in greeting, I knew that I was safe.