I jumped into the back seat of the passing car and made my demand:

“Take me to the supermarket. I’m going to watch the second Harry Potter film in French with my husband at Tesco!”

I obviously gave the impression of a fierce car-jacker, and the driver obeyed my instruction immediately – by driving the wrong way down a one-way street.

When I reached my destination I found TPR snuggling up to a range of my girlfriends on a long sofa. I crawled over them to squeeze myself in next to him. When the women deliberately moved the conversation to in-depth discussions of Coronation Street they succeeded in their goal of making me feel completely unwelcome.