I needed a back-up plan since my husband appeared to be no longer interested in me. R would do. He fitted the bill well as a tall, skinny engineer.

There were, however, a few of drawbacks of my pursuit of R. First, he was French. Second, he was also a redhead, so we could never have children together. More importantly, perhaps, was that he had no interest in me at all (or at least initially). It took much effort on my part to persuade him of my charms.

When R eventually succumbed we went for a long walk in the hills. All was going well until we encountered a swarm of bees that chased us all the way back down to town.

As we ran along the street to R’s hall of residence bedroom I could hear my mother-in-law on the phone to TPR.

“I have no idea where she is”, she said. “Don’t you usually monitor her movements her using Find My iPhone?”

This was a good point. It was all very well for me to start an affair with R, but I really should have first considered how I would cover my tracks.