If the funding councils knew how we spent our Friday afternoons, they would probably close us down immediately.

A selection of my favourite colleagues – including MR, AM (normally resident at another university), JLW (not an academic) and an American lady with a penchant for long, sleeveless cashmere cardigans in beige – sat at a table watching the American lady’s pal Noelle open several enormous pink paper wrapped boxes of birthday presents.

Meanwhile I rooted through a box of shoes and pulled out four pairs of my own to take back to my office.