The colour scheme at the ‘Singles Mingles’ dinner was white and gold and the candles were flickering. For a few brief seconds I actually turned into my ideal man – a New York police officer, slightly going to seed but still with a sparkle in my eyes. I snapped back to myself when an official leant over and whispered in my ear.

Startled I called out “What do you mean? TEN of our aliens are missing?!”

[This woke me up]