It was meant to be a discussion of what I could contribute to our Research Excellence Framework (REF) submission. It soon turned into a passionate snog. I adjusted my silk petticoat and ran across the room to lock the office door so that nobody could interrupt us.

I was very surprised to learn that my secret admirer had waited many long months for this moment. Until now I’d always believed that this heavyweight academic had little time for me. Whatever would his wife (and my companion at lunch) think?