The master of ceremonies announced the winners: the University of Edinburgh for its £1.18 sausages. As the crowd cheered and the winning team made its way to the stage to collect the award, I looked over to my immediate colleagues. Didn’t we also make sausages, and weren’t ours known to be superior?

All of a sudden two young men in the audience stood up.

“Wakey, wakey!” shouted the MC. “Your award was announced two minutes ago. We need you up here now”.

“Sorry, Mr Chairman”, came the reply. “We have won nothing more than the chance to nip to the loo between awards”.