Why was this always happening to me? I’d show someone a little kindness and the next thing they expected was a snog. In this case it wasn’t the usual hardship: I quite fancied S.

I explained to him, however, that part of the deal was that if I gave in to his desires, he would then be obliged to follow me around shoe shops. Today’s mission would be to find the right foot match for a beautiful green shoe last spotted on a shelf in Hobbs.