My new boyfriend was appearing on the stage at a Seaside Special. His stand-up act was the least funny thing I had ever seen and I was glad I hadn’t told anyone I knew him. The auditorium was full of ‘celebs’ who spent most of the time chatting to each other and acting up for the cameras. What a shambles.

Meanwhile, the middle aged couple I was travelling with were delighted with the mystery tour. The show might not have been up to much but the wife told me that every time they travelled by bus her husband liked them to travel on the top deck where they could snog. They had been doing this for 30 years.