As the process of erosion slipped into fast forward, we witnessed the course of the river shift before our very eyes. The sandy banks were crumbling so quickly that all hands were called to fetch shovels and spades to dig a safe “walking channel” for pedestrians. We were helping to fix the problem when the urgent message reached us that TPR had insulted one of the biggest and most dangerous names in gangsta rap. With a price on his head, TPR would be forced into hiding.

We charged up Leith Walk so that we could take refuge in the offices of our lawyer friend RG. Perhaps RG could also defend TPR in court? The main challenge, however, was how to get into RG’s building. He only took on the slimmest of clients and if you couldn’t get through the tight front door, or squash into the paternoster lift to the second floor, you were not worthy of his professional attention.