My new market stall was decorated with medieval streamers in candy stripe colours. How proud I was of my new venture. Matt Cardle stopped by and asked me to write an introductory email on his behalf to my former best friend A. The strangeness of this request didn’t strike me as I struggled to get the tone right. Only later did I wonder why he hadn’t just telephoned her.

I visited my ex boyfriend and watched him cooking potatoes. As we chatted I discovered he was dating two different top women racing drivers. Why then was he still living in that dump of a flat?