It was pointless denying it. My sister had itchy fingers and was now in possession of the world-famous ‘Banging-blue Sapphire’ which was fully two inches across. She had slipped it into her handbag while shopping for ‘vertical knickers’.

Meanwhile, the sixth formers had made an unlikely commercial venture out of two caves which they had decorated to look like a sixth form common room. Apparently really famous indie bands were fighting to play gigs there.

I broke up a fight between a rottweiler and a collie dog in which the collie was the aggressor.