It was my first day in a new job and it was already going disastrously wrong. My boss, an old friend, had shouted drunkenly at me before I had even hung up my coat. I had no desk, telephone or computer and it seemed the established method here was to fist-fight for the right to any of these items.

Meanwhile on the village green, onlookers were allowed into the back of the meditation tent to observe the Buddhists, provided we handed in our dogs at the cloakroom. I was horrified when my ex-best friend A was in there and started to chatter away loudly with my new best friend before being thrown out by monks. I ran away only to discover that what I had thought was a field was in fact an ice-rink. I fell over in a cartoonish fashion.