I was attempting to leave the function before the self congratulatory speeches when a global star of flamenco unexpectedly leapt onto the dancefloor. I was delighted until 250 overweight members of the public followed behind her. Then the spotlight illuminated Lulu as she began to belt out a number and then Morrissey joined in. When they finished, Tony Bennett appeared, sporting a suspiciously black moustache. This was turning into the best night ever!

Later I was the runner for an BBC antiques programme. The two presenters were given just £35 to buy antiques to sell for a profit. I encouraged one of them to sell the ‘Edwardian letter sorter’ that the rules of the game were kept in along with some ‘rave’ glow sticks so he could increase his profits. I was later revealed as a cheat and told I had ruined the programme.