My university friend JS excitedly told me all about her new boyfriend Alan. Occasionally she would forget a detail. Fortunately he was just a little further up Dundas Street, so whenever she needed any additional information JS simply ran the few paces uphill to question him. Of more interest, however, was JS’s outfit. She was decked out in a mini-length black shift dress completely covered in white feathers. To keep off the rain she had cut holes for her head and arms through a clear plastic bin liner. Wearing this as an outer layer over the feather dress spoilt the look somewhat.

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My mother-in-law moaned about the poor state of the woodwork in her house, particularly where the paint had worn off the bottom two steps of the staircase. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that this was an obvious consequence of having too many children.