A chatty hippy woman accompanied me up the hill to the Business School building. The golden lozenges that hung from her coat like medals distracted me so much that I didn’t hear a word that she said. As soon as we arrived I caught sight of AR. I had already told him that he was far too young a suitor for me. Once again, I tried to persuade him that he was wasting his time. He’d be much better off with Justine, the primary school teacher. She was his age, slim with lovely long dark hair. I also approved of her penchant for brown cashmere sweaters.

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From his pale, scrawny appearance I knew that this man was trouble the moment that he joined us at the bus stop outside Tesco on Bonnington Road, Edinburgh. Things really hotted up when both he and TPR reached down for the same stray 50p piece hidden in the corner of the shelter. TPR did see the coin first. However, when his adversary flourished a circular saw TPR knew that he was beaten, and we both ran away.

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I arranged to meet my mother for a cup of tea at a world-famous bakery in the middle of nowhere. It all turned out to be a rather embarrassing visit: I upset the owners by using the family’s entrance to the building, and when it came to paying for my order I only had dollars and Euros in my purse. My mother’s midget friend caused the most disruption. When she toppled over to the floor for the sixth time my mother said “Don’t worry, this is what she does all the time. She’ll be OK”, I was unconvinced.