I had invited a family to Sunday lunch and was getting stressed over the cooking. What complicated matters was that we were sailing the high seas on a boat with a primitive cooking range. The beef was in the oven which was in front of an open fire. Suddenly the captain changed course and the fire moved 90 degrees to starboard while the food and the oven remained where they were. The Yorkshire puddings would be ruined.

Later, I took a temporary job at a castle where I met corruption and scandal at every turn. I spotted knights in armour watering down the whisky while horses lived in sin with dogs in the stables.