The kids at the spy school won the MI5 raffle and a fraud was suspected. Inspectors were sent along and an investigation launched. I was watching all this unravel from a whole food stall across the street. The beetroot salad looked tasty. The good looking spy-kids were comparing their noses using a protractor and they all had the same, perfect, angle. I’d never get the job.

Mark Kermode picked me up in his bottle green Morris Minor Traveller. It was much more spacious inside than it should have been. We set off to the airport, although we were actually planning to travel via the EuroTunnel. I smiled indulgently while he made his speech. I could just sit back and relax and let him get on with it.