As a member of a west end supper club I felt it was my duty to explain to the management how they could improve their marketing to attract new members. The women who went were great, but the men were of a pretty low standard and there weren’t enough of them.

I then spoke to members of a student band, extolling the music of the great invented bands of my childhood. Josie and the Pussycats were great, but then I couldn’t think of any more and, trailing off, I muttered something about “the Tiswas house band” before waking up to avoid further embarrassment.