I was sitting opposite my new, breakdancer boyfriend at a diner when he suddenly mentioned he had a wife and baby. The baby, now nearly two years old, was already being followed on Flickr and Facebook by people all around the world and was popular for her good looks, trendy outfits and exotic locations. Once again, I realised I was playing a minor role in this story.

In a big round wooden room, not unlike Eltham Palace, I was finding pictures to sell in a big garage sale and was then commissioned by an industry illuminary to write a book. As the snow came down, I realised I should be on my way to the office and pretended to be at the doctor’s.