My thesis was on the improvement of the ‘lot’ of the working classes over the lifetime of Charles Dickens. I needed lots of statistical data and went to the newly-built sink estate in which all the records were kept. However, it seemed young families were also living there and matters were further complicated by the fact that I didn’t know what I was doing.

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A teenage girl had been an internet sensation with her animated Henry VIII lessons and was now a ‘celebrity’ guest on The Dog Whisperer. It can be imagined how jealous I was.

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The fashion show had a ‘by the beach’ theme. The designer was quite frightening and she became very angry indeed when the accompanying PowerPoint presentation was displayed back to front. The owner of the venue was terrified of her and waved his memory stick defensively.

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I was in a desolate place in a middle eastern desert with a family that wasn’t mine. I opened the Gertrude Stein novel I had started over 20 years ago and a postcard of the very place I was looking at fell out. Astonished by the coincidence I went to look around what seemed to be an ancient Roman temple. I gave away my last money to two teenage girls sitting on pebbles. I was then unable to find the two euros it cost to visit the temple.