Most surprisingly, SC scaled the bare rock face in seconds. Henceforth she would be known as Spiderwoman. I was a mere novice mountain goat in comparison, terrified as I hesitated over every decision as to where next I should place my hands and feet. As soon as I (eventually) reached SC at the summit she led me out on to the plateau. There we encountered hundreds of people engaged in a multitude of combat games where party balloons were the weapons of choice. A poor man in the middle of all this was failing in his attempts to bring order to the battle.

Later we took the train to Manchester – literally, i.e. not as passengers, but as the crew. Identified as “brainy”, I was put in charge of the brakes. They should have first checked my driving skills.