Monthly Archives: July 2010

Rousse solves all the problems of the NHS

The vast consulting room was packed since the Coalition government’s reform of the health service: all medical appointments take place at 1pm each day, so nobody forgets their appointment, and each patient is seen by six doctors at once to … Continue reading

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Belle falls in love

I stayed in a country house with secret passages and wooden panels and met and fell in love with Tony Adams. We had a box brownie camera.

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Beckham rescues Rousse

Trapped up to my neck in a skip filled with washing powder, and with all vital organs approaching shutdown, David Beckham came to the rescue and hauled me out.

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The dark side of reality TV (Belle)

I was starring in this sub Glee-style reality show learning to be a rapper. We had to sing a musical number about a plane crash. We all rebelled when they gave us false back stories.

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Exotic trip to Korea (Belle)

I had to commute across a river in a large acorn that split apart like an Easter egg. The people who put me in cut my name out in Korean onto a leaf. There was also a fudge-flavoured lipstick named … Continue reading

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Belle’s angry confusion

Why was my bed in the meeting room? Why was I swimming on my side and doing widths? I did scream at the top of my voice ‘I am not your f****** slave!’ which was very liberating.

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Belle’s crimes catch up with her (Rousse)

We were on a BA flight when suddenly a stewardess stood up and publicly identified Belle as an ex-convict. Her crime? Kidnapping ducks and selling them on to the Finns for animal experiments.

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