Dashed hopes of a career in consulting (Rousse)

X couldn’t wait to watch me read the emailed offer.

“Look at this”, he enthused. “£1000 a day just to give advice. I can’t wait to get started on this project with you!”

Once again he had completely misunderstood. First, I was not interested in taking on any extra work, no matter how well paid. Second, without me nobody would appoint him to such a contract. Everyone knew who was really responsible for all the output of our supposed ‘partnership’. X’s hopes for a career in consulting were completely unrealistic.

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Fears for man gone missing with lesbian murderess wife

K and H had disappeared. I was especially worried when I heard that H was a wicked lesbian murderess.

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A brainy Manchester chemistry teacher (Rousse)

I was sitting on the stage at the front of the room opening a present when someone asked ST what it was like to be so brainy. What I wanted to know was how he ended up a chemistry teacher in Manchester.

(My “present” was hardly exciting – an ancient black plastic laptop computer. Surely I deserved more for all my hard work?)

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Runners forced to change route to avoid bomb death trap (Rousse)

KA and I were forced to run along the grassed central reservation. This was to avoid the primitive bombs that the terrorists had scattered along the pavement in a bid to kill us.

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A missing child, lost glasses, and vegetable sales to pensioners (Rousse)

After our happy day on the beach R and I walked up the grassy dune and over the hill back to the village – where I lost her, and my glasses.

Her mother K didn’t seem terribly concerned. The village was small and safe and R was bound to find her own way home. So I put all my efforts into finding my glasses. I was astonished at how many spare pairs I discovered lying around all the cafés and bars. I didn’t find my own pair, but I realised that I knew where I kept an old set of rimless Oakleys, so I wore these instead.

Then I went to the market to watch S and NY sell vegetables to pensioners on coach tours.

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Records management conference surprises (Rousse)

I learnt two things at the records management conference. First, records managers are great entertainers: they choreograph and sing their conference presentations. Second, there is a whole branch of my mother’s family in Somerset. I learnt this from another delegate named Annabel T.

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Carrier bag charge legislation linked to increase in drug abuse at Tesco (Rousse)

I found numerous empty drug ampoules littered in and around the supermarket trolleys in Tesco car park. This problem had escalated since the introduction of carrier bag charge legislation in Scotland on 20th October 2014. I witnessed an addict shooting up in plain sight of families about to embark on their weekly shop.

I went into the supermarket intent on buying two soft squashes, as instructed by TPR. I didn’t get very far. My sister had followed me into the shop to deliver the message that I had to stop pressurising my niece into taking exercise. My response was that it was entirely up to my niece how she spent her spare time. If she wanted to go running twice a day that was her choice, and nothing to do with me.

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