An apple a day (Belle)

I was standing on the top floor of the office, eating the delicious contents of a jar of ‘pink apple jelly’ with a spoon.  I only stopped to admire the old-fashioned lettering on the label – ‘Ariadne – the State Apple of Virginia’.

Nearby a telephone rang – I was late back from lunch and the new boss wanted to know why I wasn’t attending the ‘getting to know you’ party.  Leaning over the balcony I could see the party spread out below.  Rather than take the stairs, I used the drapes to abseil down five floors.  Landing by the buffet I saw there was only one choice of hot apple – Granny Smiths.  Immediately I realised that I was far superior to my new boss, who had such an unsophisticated taste in apples.


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Drawbacks of glass house living in Edinburgh (Rousse)

The general public was using our glass-fronted flat as a thoroughfare to the Omni Centre. It was impossible to stop them, despite my pleas of “You wouldn’t have me wandering around uninvited in your kitchen, would you?” Some young men were especially annoying when they trained their camera lenses through the window onto TPR as he got out of bed in the morning. Surely they could find a better way to entertain themselves?

I took my complaints to VC in his new office at Valvona and Crolla. Unfortunately he was not there to receive them.

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Malcolm McLaren dons eye patch at degree show (Rousse)

Malcolm McLaren seemed somewhat out of place at a conference on women in science, technology, engineering and mathematics, especially while wearing an eye patch.

Then someone pointed out that this was a degree show and I accepted that this (perhaps) explained his presence.

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Unwelcome guest on Scottish island is served yellow slime for supper (Rousse)

On Thursday afternoon I observed CEO AM in her London headquarters deep in discussion with a very bright 16 year old girl, apparently the daughter of JMcL (who, as far as I knew, didn’t have any children).

On Friday night I was with AM again, this time with her husband on a remote Scottish island, helping them to install their blow-up house for the weekend.

I had come at AM’s invitation, but it was now clear that she had never expected me to accept it: there certainly weren’t any plans to entertain me over my two-day visit. I was just expected to muck in with household chores along with everyone else. I mentioned that I had brought a book and hoped that I would be left in peace to read.

When I eventually hinted that it would probably be best if I caught the first bus back south again to Glasgow on Sunday at 07:00am, the relief was visible on my hostess’ face. She was so pleased with my suggestion that she changed the plan to farm me out to the elderly next door neighbour for supper, where the deal was that I would give tuition on how to use Facebook in exchange for my meal. Instead she invited me to dine with her and her husband at their dinner table. Unfortunately the huge plates piled up with enormous portions of slimy yellow pasta were not terribly appetising.

KT and JH were rumoured to also own a cottage in this village, but they were nowhere to be seen, and nobody else there had ever heard of them.

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Scrabble rule change (Rousse)

The new Scrabble rule allowed players to swap their letters with those of their opponent. I was taking full advantage of this, much to the annoyance of my husband.

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The allure of Andrea versus a purple glitter manicure (Rousse)

This time he was chasing a quiet, slim, blonde 16 year old called Andrea.

I thought that HDB with her purple glitter finger nails was far more interesting.

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Name of the Rose actress in love triangle (Rousse)

My husband took advantage of my absence over the weekend by seducing the famous Chinese actress Ting Lan Ling. He had been fascinated by her ever since she played the role of book whisperer in The name of the rose.

This was his third indiscretion. I wondered just how many more I could tolerate.

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