Exam preparation tips (Rousse)

I realised that the resources that I prepared for my exam preparation classes this year were sub-standard when I passed a bus stop advertising hoarding from 2013. It displayed a full colour professionally-produced poster packed with specifc advice for the 2013/14 cohort of students.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Seaside town confusion (Rousse)

‘How I love Blackpool!’ I declared to TPR – just as the train was pulling into Whitby.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Salford scheme shames poor drivers (Rousse)

My driving was getting worse. In Salford I scraped our white BMW against the kerb outside a hospital, nearly taking out some nursing staff.

Thankfully the car easily transformed into a motorbike. This meant that I could make a quick getaway and avoid an on-the-spot fine.

TPR jumped onto the back of the bike and tried to give directions. I completely misunderstood him when he shouted ‘straight on’. Instead I turned sharp right and we almost came off at the roundabout.

Next I heard sounds from a carnival lorry behind us. It was decorated with big banners that displayed road safety messages. The dancers were singing chants about fixed penalties. A police officer emerged from the chorus, signalled to me to stop the bike’s engine, and then arrested me for multiple driving offences.

I later heard that Salford was testing the public shaming of poor drivers by carnival lorry as a way to improve road safety in Greater Manchester.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Venice turns pink in Newcastle-upon-Tyne (Rousse)

Every morning I visited my sister S to try on the clothes that she had acquired for me from the charity shops the previous day. It was also our habit to watch half an hour of terrible daytime television together before I set off to work. S lived in Newcastle’s ‘Venice’, a shocking pink complex created in the lower levels of an abandoned NCP car park next to the River Tyne. The mix of inhabitants included several rather inactive families. I wondered why the children didn’t attend school.

One day Venice’s architect came to visit her creation. She recognised S from her interview for art college, and asked what she was up to these days. S explained that her main occupation was charity shop shopping. I displayed my morning haul of jackets and tops as evidence of S’s buying skills. It looked like the architect was also impressed with S’s eye for fashion, and was about to offer her a job. I wasn’t able to stay long enough to find out if this really was the case.

Instead I had an appointment with an all-male team of staff from a professional body and a consultancy firm. Before sitting down to discuss business each morning they completed a 5k hill race through the forest. If I wanted to work with them, I had to do the same. It was very painful running over stony tracks in pop socks. They were ripped to shreds by the end of the exercise.

I had harboured a personal ambition to beat S in the race, so was rather disappointed when he didn’t participate on this particular morning.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sisters, a crop top, a wooden dinosaur, a knitted kangeroo, and a Christmas lunch invitation (Rousse)

I mentioned to my sister S that it was probably not a good idea to go out in a crop top. It was a cold day. In addition, ‘Madonna circa 1986′ was no longer a good look in 2015.

My other sister joined in the discussion uninvited. First she drew attention to the weight that I had put on in the period since I had been forced to give up running. Then she picked a fight with both me and S over the ownership of (1) a wooden dinosaur toy that she found peeping out of the skirting board, and (2) a red-knitted kangaroo.

Oblivious to our disgraceful behaviour, my mother still went ahead and invited KF for Christmas lunch. I couldn’t believe it when KF said she’d be delighted to come along. I wouldn’t have accepted had I just witnessed such pathetic sibling scrapping.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Warren Clarke horse date fail (Rousse)

I made an arrangement with Warren Clarke to see him first thing the next day about a horse. Then I forgot. Would he ever forgive me?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lord Sugar’s reassuring wink (Rousse)

My committee had been taken over by a drag queen dressed in a yellow and purple mini-skirt and a yellow nylon wig. I dare not object, however, because she was also a senior member of academic staff.

Her first task was to dispute everything that I had written in the minutes of the past meeting. The corrections that she suggested were going to make the updated set of minutes twice as long as the original.

Then she broke the meeting up and took half of us downstairs. Here we ate chocolate tray bakes while waiting for our turn to give a five minute presentation on the three most important aspects of our work. With so little notice I decided that my only option was to say something about Athena SWAN, my knowledge management class, and the impact of the work of the Library and Information Science Research Coalition.

When Lord Sugar winked at me I knew that my choice of subjects was perfect.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment